maddington mountain bear anderson

on saturday august 11 2007 the world lost a beautiful being, a kind soul and a loyal companion. bernese mountain dog maddington mountain bear anderson, aged two and a half of orford nh passed away from cancer. she left behind owners tami and adam.

maddington was a part of nature, even as she loved nature herself. she loved mountains, water, snow, grass and other creatures. she was never more beautiful than when running through a field or standing proud on top of a mountain.

yet maddie was also a vital part of the human life she inhabited. a perfect housepet, she neither barked nor chewed nor scared children. she loved people with her whole heart and they loved her back. she touched the lives of everybody she met.

so this is maddie: the perfect blend of wild and tame, of animal and human, of pet and friend. a dog to take camping or swimming or hiking, or to have at a bbq or to cuddle in bed with. she is gone from our lives in presence but not in spirit, always in our memories and our hearts - the best dog, our dear friend.

i was attacked

as many of you may already know, i was attacked while walking home last friday night. a man came up behind me and strangled me with his arm, cutting off my circulation until i passed out. i woke up lying on the sidewalk and my purse was gone. i think i was unconscious for under five minutes, but i didn't see anybody else and nobody was around to help me. there had been another man across the street when it happened, but they must have been working together because he didn't do anything to stop the attack or help me.

i must have hit my head because i have a huge bump. also my neck was sore from being strangled and my tongue was swollen from biting down on it. at the end of the day, i was extremely lucky that this was the extent of my physical injuries. it could have been so much worse.

things i lost (tangible) include my phone, mp3 player with my entire music collection (not backed up), armwarmers, wallet with about 40e inside, monthly metro pass, sunglasses, and the bag itelf.

things i lost (intangible) include my ability to walk around without being scared. for now i am taking taxis and taking my friends up on their offers to escort me places.

i filed a police report, but i didn't really get a good look at the guy so there isn't much they can do. the police told me that this type of thing is fairly common. and i agree; these things happen and i guess my turn was up. again, i'm lucky to get away with just minor bumps and bruises.

it is going to take me a while to get over this, and i am doing so at my own speed. i have good and bad moments. needless to say, i will be much more careful when and how i walk alone at night. however, there is no way i can avoid it altogether; i am a single woman without a car living in a city and i go places after dark.

i so appreciate the outpouring of love and support that i have felt from all of you. the reason i'm writing this is to tell you that i can't talk about it anymore right now. i need to stop reliving it two or three times a day in individual conversations or emails. so now you all know what happened and how i'm doing. i feel everybody "there" for me and it means so much, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

a quick list

three times i miss living in the u.s.:

1. in the cereal aisle of the grocery store
2. sundays during NFL season
3. when a new wes anderson movie is released (spain release date: january 18)

my favorite poem

i'm not one for poetry, but this is my favorite. i read this in college and it continues to put a smile on my face, making me think of new york, of looking on the bright side of things, of love and sunny days and a bounce in the step.

steps - by frank o'hara
How funny you are today New York
like Ginger Rogers in Swingtime
and St. Bridget’s steeple leaning a little to the left

here I have just jumped out of a bed full of V-days
(I got tired of D-days) and blue you there still
accepts me foolish and free
all I want is a room up there
and you in it
and even the traffic halt so thick is a way
for people to rub up against each other
and when their surgical appliances lock
they stay together
for the rest of the day (what a day)
I go by to check a slide and I say
that painting’s not so blue

where’s Lana Turner
she’s out eating
and Garbo’s backstage at the Met
everyone’s taking their coat off
so they can show a rib-cage to the rib-watchers
and the park’s full of dancers with their tights and shoes
in little bags
who are often mistaken for worker-outers at the West Side Y
why not
the Pittsburgh Pirates shout because they won
and in a sense we’re all winning
we’re alive

the apartment was vacated by a gay couple
who moved to the country for fun
they moved a day too soon
even the stabbings are helping the population explosion
though in the wrong country
and all those liars have left the UN
the Seagram Building’s no longer rivalled in interest
not that we need liquor (we just like it)

and the little box is out on the sidewalk
next to the delicatessen
so the old man can sit on it and drink beer
and get knocked off it by his wife later in the day
while the sun is still shining

oh god it’s wonderful
to get out of bed
and drink too much coffee
and smoke too many cigarettes
and love you so much

links for my friends

• for jeff: the social patterns of baboons. basically, the popular kids are the ones who get laid.
  
• for seth: chicken-related genius
• hey ladies: here are some things to look for in a man, thanks to popular mechanic. oh, and fellas? you're a bunch of assholes.
• this one's from emily, and goes out to those of you who like to break the law and get away with it. fascinating.
• for mark, and other folks from the 'ham: old school.
• this is required reading for everyone: genius.
• and this is just "hilarious"
  

two weeks late

two weeks ago the one-year birthday of this blog passed unnoticed by me. a selfish and self-absorbed lady i am, busily nursing her one child (laptop) while the other (website) sits in the corner crying and unloved.

a year ago, in my first post, i set out three reasons for writing here, and a year later i can say that two of the three have been quite successful.

first, i wanted to get in the habit of writing every day for the upcoming novel project of last november. well, every day is a lofty and rather unrealistic goal -- but, this is my 117th post which means that i write about every third day. not so bad, considering i take months off. also, this has been great for my confidence and motivation as a writer. hey, i even finished that novel last year and i'm ready to do it again in a couple of weeks!

second, i wanted to pose questions to myself and my readers. ok this one didn't really stand the test of time. but the questions i did ask provoked some comments, which are always nice.

third, i wanted to "better keep in touch with myself and others." my, how this has happened. i am continually amazed by the amount of people who actually show up to and read this blog: mothers of friends, friends of mothers, long lost high school buddies, people who i have never met. it is also a highly convenient and efficient way of letting everybody know what i'm up to, which makes seeing people after a long break more enjoyable because there is less catching up to do. and keeping in touch with myself? as i said a year ago, i'm not a diarist, so short of reading old emails i've sent this is the best way for me to remember what i've been ranting about in recent times, to make sure i'm not too repetitive.

most of all this blog has made me want to be a better writer: to think harder and form more concrete opinions and express them wittily and with insight and wisdom. i'll come back to that sentence next year and we can see how i've done.

thanks for reading, though. xoxoxo

rugby football

i always say that americans don't like teams that win too much; we prefer underdogs. a team that wins its first championship in years is a crowd favorite. if the same team wins again the next year we are happy for them, but losing our patience. a third win in a decade and the team is suddenly the one to root against, the common enemy.

as a new england patriots fan i witness this phenomenon all the time. nobody likes the patriots, and why? "they always win" is the complaint i most often hear. ok, they've been winning for the last five years, but for the first 25 years of my life they never won. and now it is the du jour to hate the patriots. we americans don't like winners.

last night i went against this seemingly ingrained american quality by rooting for the favored-to-win new zealand all blacks against the french les bleus in a quarterfinal game of the rugby world cup. the bar was full of french people and i was with my kiwi friend. although i didn't have too much emotion riding on the game it's easy to root for new zealand, and easy to root against the french.

new zealand dominated the first half of the game, and seemed to be easily coasting to victory, as was expected. but then france snuck up and played harder, made fewer mistakes and wanted it more. although the french fans in the bar were kind of obnoxious you had to be happy for them. their jumping up and down and cheering in the face of the annointed favorites gave me a taste of how everybody will react if the patriots lose this year.

you see, the patriots are just a little too favored, they're a little too good this year. they are set up to fail, to rest on their laurels, to believe the hype. and while i love my team and think they deserve to win this year, i know everybody else will be even more satisfied to see them lose. so to the all blacks and the rest of new zealand i lend my condolences and hope i won't be sharing a similar fate come january.

camino de santiago

i spent two weeks at the beginning of september walking 300km across northwestern spain. i was tracing the steps of ancient pilgrims before me, who for centuries have been wearing the path toward santiago de compostela and the remains of saint jacob. this is one of christianity's three great pilgrimages, the other two being jerusalem and rome. but the camino de santiago is currently the most popular, with over 100,000 pilgrims each year.

a pilgrimage is a spiritual journey, and the night before i started walking a nun at the pilgrim's benediction service told us that pilgrims are searchers. "what are you looking for?" she asked, and her question stayed with me during the long walk ahead, always playing in the back of my mind, like a song i couldn't stop singing. initially, i was searching for peace and quiet after a busy summer, for a chance to be alone and disconnect. but the pilgrimage is more than the trail itself, it is a way to bring questions like this into focus, so that you can bring them home afterwards. and questions like this do not always require an answer. indeed, what am i searching for?

the camino taught me how to suffer, and although the physical pain -- for me, it was localized in my feet -- was often overwhelming, it is already dissolving from my mind and will not be what i remember about the camino. the physical beauty of the trail was specatcular: the cold mornings watching the sun lift out of the fog, the dank wet cowpaths in galicia, the stone villages full of toothless farmers, the blooming wildflowers, the steep mountain passes, the cobblestone streets. as well, the beauty of my fellow pilgrims was incredible and humbling: there is an instant camraderie bordering on love that develops between people who are experiencing something like this side by side. i have never been so well cared for by strangers.

so now i am a pilgrim returned home, changed in ways that i am still appreciating. my feet are still recovering, but my spirit is ready to keep searching.

brain crash

a long time ago when i lived in san francisco a colleague told me his personal theory that our devices -- computers, cell phones, pdas, etc. -- have become offloaded parts of our brains. certain functions previously accomplished by the brain such as remembering phone numbers, organizing schedules, keeping track of birthdays were now being done by the parts of our brain that consisted of zeroes and ones.

therefore, he posited, when one of these devices crashes we feel as if a part of our brain has malfunctioned. it is more than a mere inconvenience, worse than our car breaking down or our refrigerator dying. it is as if a part of ourselves has crashed as well.

it is in this state of crash -- partial crash, really -- that i have been existing in the last few weeks. my two and a half year old laptop has suffered a mysterious affliction, one that has had me up nights, waiting by the hospital bed, saying encouraging words, trying to nurse it back to life with the help of experts. this effort has been compounded in the difficultly that i am operating on limited brain power. i have crashed as well. you may have noticed: i am less informed on news and celebrity gossip. blogging has been nonexistent. emailing is sporadic. my sunny disposition has also been affected.

currently we -- my computer and i -- are back up and running on a provisional level, but things are still touch and go. in lieu of flowers, please send your good thoughts and any brand new laptops you happen to have lying around.

things i've been reading

i leave new york today at 4pm on a flight to dc. this trip has been amazing, so chock full of memorable events, friends old and new, and stories that i have been too busy living life to blog about it. this hectic pace landed me sick on my ass for a day this week, but now i'm up and at it again, off to the next phase of this rapidly dwindling summer.

i want to thank all my friends in new york for a most incredible month. i feel so lucky and blessed by the spirit and generosity of my new york family. special love to michael, emily and timmy who have made this one of the best months of my life.

before i head off, here are some things i've been reading of late, enjoy.

• astaire vs. grant: who is the style king?
• are you sick of the election yet? with all the debates and snippiness, here are 20 things you won't here the candidates talking about.
• a theme for the summer could be: infrastructure failure. between the steam tunnel, the bridge in minn, the subway shutdown, a 4-story building collapse in east harlem, i'm beginning to get scared, fear tactics notwithstanding

ok there's more but i have to finish up some work, and work socializing, before i'm audi!

bullet

• no reservations: worst movie title since maid in manhattan

more soon, i promise

jacki's viewless reviews - music and lyrics

this is a new feature on my blog, where i'll review a movie based purely on the title, the poster and my bitter soul. i promise never to see these movies or read anything about them, so you'll have to let me know how far off i am from the truth.

music and lyrics (2007)
(note: this movie just came out in spain)

he is a has-been songwriter who has penned hits for several manufactured pop groups - think spice girls. he was renowned for his radio-friendly hits, his forays into drugs and alcohol and his scandalous affairs with salacious members of said pop groups. this has led to demise, and liberal usage of the term "washed-up."

she is a classically-trained pianist who is gifted but not quite good enough for juilliard. she has always shunned pop music as culturally devoid nonsense, but now she needs money/is learning to push her limits/wants to make a name for herself/wants to get back at the ex-boyfriend who left her for the lead cellist of the boston symphony orchestra.

there is some kind of contest, some kind of reality show where one song will win and the songwriters will win lots of money and eternal fame and the chance to avenge all their past mistakes. somehow, despite their differences, through the encouragement of their adorably wacky best friends, these two team up and give it a shot.

hilarity ensues. and musical montages. slowly they grow on each other, learn from each other. romance blossoms. then disappointment - he appears on page six stumbling out of a strip club with the girlband vixen. but the contest is tomorrow! a midnight expression of love, possibly in central park. he begs for forgiveness. she relents.

somehow the lessons they have learned are perfectly expressed in their winning song, which they sing onstage together in front of screaming fans - this song bridges the pop-classical gap, appeals to all the fans they had and lost, and finds new ones. true love.
THE END

top five cartoon crushes

animation has provided us with countless lady hotties, but cute cartoon guys are harder to come by. maybe because this is classically a domain of prepubescent boys and older male nerds. however, i've had my share of cartoon crushes, and here are the best of them:

5. silver surfer - ok this one is going to seem trendy because of the movie, but some of you may remember that i had a silver surfer action figure way back in college. his appeal is unquestionable: he's basically a big silver hunk of man on a surfboard, a perfect combination of intensity and laid-back surfer chic. kind of like owen wilson. i mean, this guy will save your life, then take you for a fish taco on the boardwalk.


4. james barris - confession: i have an enormous crush on robert downey jr. so when he showed up in a scanner darkly my crush naturally transferred to his animated version. this is classic rdj: although he is a brilliant actor he never seems so comfortable in a role than when he is playing a druggie. his magic - and i think this also holds true in real life - is that he can make even the biggest fuck-up irresistibly charming. although, as you probably know, i'm a longtime member of the keanu fan club, rdj stole the scene here, as he always does.

3. aladdin - all you have to do is scroll down this list of disney princes, and see that the role of mr. charming was historically lacking in hotness. here we see a bunch of middle-aged looking wasps who usually arrive in the last few minutes of the film to sing a song and sweep the damsel away on a horse. well that all changed with aladdin. he's basically a homeless guy with a bangin' bod, a great personality, a hilarious buddy and a cool pet. i love how his scrappy bravura cracks to show a vulnerable side once he assumes his alter-ego of prince ali. let me tell you, chicks dig this type of thing. we were all there swooning with those ladies as he paraded through town on an elephant, knowing that his confidence was concealing a secret shyness.

2. rio pacheco - rio is one of those guys you like even though you know that he's kind of an asshole. he started out as basically a good guy, a volunteer at the foster home and jerrica's boyfriend. however he eventually developed a crush on jem and the show ended on a cliffhanger with rio double-timing two girls who are the same person. this is undoubtedly one of the great unsolved endings in television - this whole sopranos thing pales in comparison! the truth is, rio's bad side is what makes him sexy: the lying, the deceit, the secrecy, and yet he can be a real sweetie when he wants to. i mean, if jerrica really trusted him then wouldn't she tell him her identity? perhaps with a guy like this you need to have your own secrets.

1. trent lane - absolutely the most crushable cartoon fella out there;
even the ever-cynical daria couldn't help but blush a little when trent was around. trent's rockstar slacker attitude was peppered by a hint of zen calmness, his soft raspy voice delivered the type of inane truisms that only truly attractive people can get away with, and his slight slouch suggested a world weariness - a wiseness, dare i say? - that perfectly defines a classic childhood crush: your friend's older brother.


any to add to the list?

storytime: cambodia, part 1

lately i have been lazy, or uninspired, when it comes to writing in my blog. it doesn't mean that i haven't been thinking of things to say, i just never get around to saying them.

i have alot of things i want to post about. for example: the sopranos season finale. my weekend. thoughts on things i've seen or read. see, even coming up with examples seems tiring.

so, inspired by my friend mark's new blog, i'm going to do some storytelling around here. i told that hitchhiking story a week ago, and it was fun. so today begins another travel story: my trip to cambodia. this one comes from the same 2000-2001 trip i took with ange, about 3 months after the hitchhiking adventures in australia.

we left bangkok at 5am. retrospectively, our six-month trip broke into three parts: the first was just the two of us, a few months on the road together. then the second part: visitors. boyfriends and friends and other travelers. the third part began that morning that we left bangkok. seth left the same morning to begin his trip back to the us and we got on a mini-bus headed for siem reap, the city where angkor wat is located. the rest of our trip would be shaped by our experiences that day.

like all buses in southeast asia, this one fell short of expectations. it was small, stuffy, rattly and crowded with other backpackers. the air conditioning was non-existent. it was late september - rainy season - which meant humidity. by this point in our journey we had befriended valium as an invaluable traveling partner, so we spent the morning sleeping as we headed toward the border. the trip to siem reap was advertised as nine hours, we expected to be there by early afternoon.

we pulled into the border town a few hours later. as border towns go, this one was particularly decrepit. the poverty was such that there were naked 3-year olds carrying 1-year olds. everyone was selling, or looking for something to sell, or just begging. everything was hanging on the edge of ruin.

so the border officials decided to hold us there for what ended up being four hours without explanation. our thai bus drivers just shrugged their shoulders as the time ticked slowly past. it was interminable, we were in the hot sun, surrounded by chaos, faintly worried that we might have to spend the night, or the year. looking back, it was part of an elaborate manipulation to get us to spend money but at the time it felt like a desperate situation, made worse by the desperation in the eyes of everybody we saw in that town.

i'll never forget this vehicle we saw trying to lumber down the street. at the bottom was a small wooden wagon on wooden wheels, something from the previous century. on this precarious base rested a pile of something two stories high, hanging over the edge in every direction and swaying. this beast was rolling unsteadily down the uneven dirt street pulled with ropes by a few small guys, trying to fit under a concrete arch that marked the border. it had about an inch of clearance. it was almost impossible that this thing would make it anywhere, disaster was imminent any way you looked at it. yet they slowly tugged this thing along, all of us standing there watching, grimacing, waiting for the inevitable crash that never happened. this vehicle seemed like an allegory for the entire situation.

eventually they stamped our passports and we got back on the bus as evening was falling. we were happy to be on our way, until the next stop, a mere hour later.

to be continued...

in other news:

• seth has a new blog. bookmark it, put it on your google reader and get ready to laugh
• paul takes better photos than me. check out his pictures of my bbq and our picnic for zoe's bday on saturday.
• mark posted an incredible 1960s video of nina simone singing four women. all i can say is wow. and i stand by my claim that if i could see any concert of any artist alive or dead, it would be nina.
• good stuff on crucial minutiae of late. often i have been fascinated by the miracle of the "guy friend" - how they are so adept at explaining the mindgame bullshit of other guys. here, a serial guy friend tries to explain it all.
  

summer is upon us

i've done it, i've broken down and bought my ticket back to the us for the summer. you don't want to know what i paid, but let's just say it's less than $1000. but not by much. and i have layovers in frankfurt, lovely.

so, my summer plans are set and here they are:

July 2-11: framingham, with a weekend yoga retreat in the Berkshires for the 4th
July 11-15: big star lake, michigan
July 15-Aug 10: nyc, working for da man. weekend trips to beer olympics (july 21) joie's wedding (july 29) and hopefully riis park, dia beacon and belmont
aug 10-14: washington dc
aug 14-10: new hampshire. internship at the sunny grange, other granola-based activities
aug 20-23: ogunquit. lewin family vacation.
aug 23-31: framingham. this is the frontier, the last week of the summer, mostly unplanned.
aug 31-sept 15: northern spain. camino de santiago

so there it is, folks, my summer. please make yourself a part of that schedule if you haven't already done so.

in other news, it has come to my attention that there's a little rumor floating around that i'm planning to move back to the us. this rumor has legs, and wings; it has crossed a continent and an ocean and five people to arrive to my terrace. so let me set the record straight: for the time being i have no plans to move back to the us permanently. although i do plan to continue spending 3-4 months a year there and eventually would like to be able to split my time.

sydney or bust

my dad has always let me know what he expected out of me without saying it outright. perhaps because i was such a damn well-behaved child, or because disciplining was mostly my mom's job, i can't remember him ever drilling into me the classic parental lessons of "eat your vegetables" or "don't talk to strangers" or "don't drink and drive."these types of lessons were implicit, rather than explicit.

however, i do specifically remember him making me promise not to hitchhike, or pick up a hitchhiker. this was said explicitly, and i promised like the faithful obedient child i was. i always wondered why he felt so strongly about this, was there a dangerous episode he wasn't telling me about? to this day i still wonder...

but of course, like most kids told not to do something, even the most well-behaved kids, i went out and broke that promise. ange and i discovered hitchhiking in fiji, where it was the only way to get across the island. our next stop was australia, where the idea of getting from cairns to sydney entirely on buses was suddenly unfathomable.

once you start hitchhiking, it seems ludicrous to pay for transportation. we set up some general rules for ourselves - which we mostly kept to - and spent long days on the road. we wouldn't get into a car if either or us felt the slightest creepiness or unease. we would stay awake, alert and watch the road. we wouldn't take rides from truckers. we would stop before dark.

the hardest part was just getting out of town, most people are driving short distances. most people have been told by their fathers not to ever hitchhike or pick up hitchhikers. but we must have been so cute standing there with our backpacks. it was never too hard to get a ride. most people couldn't believe we were hitchhiking, especially once they found out we were americans.

usually the people who picked us up were fathers who had daughters and were trying to save us from the dangerous fate of the hitchhiker, or other people who had hitchhiked in the past and were paying back some karma. i have mostly stuck to my promise of not picking up hitchhikers, but i do feel a special twinge of sympathy when i see one.

the hardest part was having the same conversations over and over again. we would spend three hours in the car with somebody, tell them all about our trip, where we were from, why we were hitchhiking, etc. then ten minutes later get into another car and have to start all over. sometimes the best rides were the ones where everybody was just silent. more often than not we met kind people who were unbelievably helpful and generous. without all the urban myths and fear, hitchhiking is a lovely system, a way of sharing and mutual convenience, a way to meet people you might not ever know.

so, sorry dad, i broke my promise. but i suspect you have at least one good hitchhiking story too.

unrelated: richard serra talks about the installation of his 40-year retrospective at moma in this new york times audio slide show.

bullshit blog post

i stayed in a whole 24 hours after that last post. then i spent the rest of the weekend walking around the city - through rain and shine. it's hard for me to really be a hermit.

the other night i saw pirates of the caribbean. man, i was just in the mood for pure entertainment, swashbuckling, etc. and this movie paid off. i sat with wide eyes for three hours, laughing and enjoying the spectacle. when i read any bad reviews for the movie i think: what a bunch of cranky pretentious mouth breathers. seriously.

meanwhile, spain had its local elections yesterday and there was a move toward conservatism, echoing a general trend across europe. i think it's interesting that in a county that is ninety-something percent catholic they vote on sunday (day off), causing me to wonder why we vote on tuesday (work day) in the u.s. it's because they want to discourage voting, right? most of the spanish people i spoke to said they usually go vote with their families then have a lunch. those of us who live here know that that is so typically spanish it's practically spain itself.

in other news, i've taken the first actual steps in a project that has been swishing around in my mind for some time now. i've been inspired by certain friends of mine who lately have grabbed their lives by the reigns and started steering themselves in productive directions. so i've decided to follow suit by putting some plans into actions. and wouldn't you know, it's super fun to have a new project to work on. details to come...

i suppose that may excuse this rambly disorganized and decentralized blog post, the type that i have tried to steer away from. coherence will return tomorrow.

happy memorial day.

precipitation frustration

ok i admit it, i like to bitch about the weather. i believe it affects my moods, i let it affect my moods. i take it personally. any therapist or sane person would tell me this isn't healthy. irregardless.

the weather sucks right now, it's been raining forever, and - as previously noted - we don't need the rain. the other day it rained so hard my plants suffered holes in their leaves. the forecast shows rainy clouds until saturday and i've decided to have a vigil. i'm staying in my house until the sun comes out. i dare you to lure me out.

i have a book, i have my internet, i have dvds. i have a new yorker. i have 3 economists. i'll be good for a few days at least. i refuse to spend one more minute trudging around the city with wet feet, being sprayed by passing cars. bah.

meanwhile, what a lovely moment for the morning news to post their annual awards for online excellence. lots of fun new sites to play with, hours of rainy day entertainment. and here is my first annual list of what i consider the best of their list to be:

• indexed. as they put it, simply brilliant. and hilarious. i only wish i could be half as clever and spot on. check it out immediately!

ok. that's totally the best site they linked to. the others i'm still exploring, but i'm sure there are tons of gems. also, they link to mindy kaling's site. this girl went to dartmouth with me and now she is not only on the office, but her blog is being linked to by the morning news -- under the header of "celebrity" blog. sigh. my blog is content to simply mention her blog. she writes about things she bought, like a mini cooper and a $1000 handbag. did i mention it's raining?

other links of late:

• not overrated, not underrated. the ten most accurately rated artists in rock history. (via amy's robot)
• the top five tv shows of my youth. you know i like lists. i agree, mostly, but shouldn't JEM be #1?? (props on the bitchslap to rio two-timing jem and jerrica)
• if you could check out one classic rocker live in concert, who would it be? well, here's your chance: wolfgang's vault has tons of vintage concerts streamed for free. (thanks dad)
• recordreviews is disappointed with the new wilco album. "father’s day is right around the corner: are you buying this for somebody or is somebody buying it for you?
  
  

the dreamlife of me

lately i have been having vivid and strange dreams in the mornings; i wake up disoriented and puzzled, having spent the last few minutes in my head under the strangest circumstances with friends and other people who i would never have expected to have conjured.

this morning i was riding around new york city on a magic carpet type contraption, flying through the streets and avenues, trying to make my way to the beach where i was sure there was a party. eventually an ex-boyfriend joined me, and we ended up underwater going through a plastic tube in the river.

i hesitate to read into dreams like this, partly because i have no idea but also because it would seem to be too easy to make it mean something convenient, what i might want it to mean. however, there are some recurring themes or events in my dreams and i often wonder why.

when i was traveling in 2000-2001 i had many dreams about my teeth falling out. the teeth would crumble into small pieces and i would end up spitting them out. i sometimes still dream about this, and i know it is a classic dream with probably a classic interpretation. i remember tony soprano once had a similar dream.

a form of nightmare, or unsettling dream, that i have had many times involves the friends i lived with in college. usually i come back from being away and they are all living in a large and strange house, sometimes labyrinthine, sometimes resembling a house where we actually lived, sometimes like something out of a post-apocalyptic movie. i walk around, wondering where my room is, lost and confused. everybody else acts like everything is normal. i've had versions of this dream dozens of times.

the worst nightmares i've ever had used to occur when i was a child, usually when i was sick. i would dream of large imposing masses in space, closing in on me, dwarfing me. sometimes there would be large spheres spinning slightly off their axes and this would scare me more than anything.

any amateur psychologists out there?

happy bday katie

today is also my sister katie's birthday. katie is officially half my age: today she turns 15.

katie has that rare combination of intelligence, beauty and humor yet she pulls it off with modesty and charm. she is girly, sporty, silly and most of all tons of fun.

she makes up for her small stature with a big personality, and it has been such a pleasure spending half my life knowing her.

so happy birthday katie! can't wait to celebrate for real at six flags this summer.