21 June 2007

jacki's viewless reviews - music and lyrics

this is a new feature on my blog, where i'll review a movie based purely on the title, the poster and my bitter soul. i promise never to see these movies or read anything about them, so you'll have to let me know how far off i am from the truth.

music and lyrics (2007)
(note: this movie just came out in spain)

he is a has-been songwriter who has penned hits for several manufactured pop groups - think spice girls. he was renowned for his radio-friendly hits, his forays into drugs and alcohol and his scandalous affairs with salacious members of said pop groups. this has led to demise, and liberal usage of the term "washed-up."

she is a classically-trained pianist who is gifted but not quite good enough for juilliard. she has always shunned pop music as culturally devoid nonsense, but now she needs money/is learning to push her limits/wants to make a name for herself/wants to get back at the ex-boyfriend who left her for the lead cellist of the boston symphony orchestra.

there is some kind of contest, some kind of reality show where one song will win and the songwriters will win lots of money and eternal fame and the chance to avenge all their past mistakes. somehow, despite their differences, through the encouragement of their adorably wacky best friends, these two team up and give it a shot.

hilarity ensues. and musical montages. slowly they grow on each other, learn from each other. romance blossoms. then disappointment - he appears on page six stumbling out of a strip club with the girlband vixen. but the contest is tomorrow! a midnight expression of love, possibly in central park. he begs for forgiveness. she relents.

somehow the lessons they have learned are perfectly expressed in their winning song, which they sing onstage together in front of screaming fans - this song bridges the pop-classical gap, appeals to all the fans they had and lost, and finds new ones. true love.
THE END

9 comments:

Paul Gladis said...

Uggggh. Gag me with a spoon.

That World Inverted said...

high-sterical! I haven't seen it, but it sounds about right. Though maybe they win the contest by performing in ABBA costumes with some of that old disco magic...

Ariel said...

okay i´ll give you him- a washed-up has-been. But her? She waters plants. SHE WATERS PLANTS.

bonobo said...

good stuff, but where's the review. that was just a summary (and a very admirable one).

i want your thoughts on the acting, directing, editing, underlying philosophy, etc.

does it do justice to the genre? is there chemistry between Hugh and that girl from E.T.?

i can't see this film until i know these things FROM YOU.

zoe benedict said...

Thanks for saving me from having to see that one! Did you make this up or is that really what happens? It sounds pretty spot on!So the review is a thumbs down I´m assuming?

mags said...

quite possibly the worst movie ever made. i still regret staying up and watching it on my red eye. your summary is pretty damn close.

lance said...

Worst movie poster ever. Cause your review is I am guessing pretty much the story. Barfsville!

Ginrod Isus said...

hehe i was entertained by your post!

kamikazenoodle said...

hehe, that sounds about right.