14 June 2007

top five cartoon crushes

animation has provided us with countless lady hotties, but cute cartoon guys are harder to come by. maybe because this is classically a domain of prepubescent boys and older male nerds. however, i've had my share of cartoon crushes, and here are the best of them:

5. silver surfer - ok this one is going to seem trendy because of the movie, but some of you may remember that i had a silver surfer action figure way back in college. his appeal is unquestionable: he's basically a big silver hunk of man on a surfboard, a perfect combination of intensity and laid-back surfer chic. kind of like owen wilson. i mean, this guy will save your life, then take you for a fish taco on the boardwalk.

4. james barris - confession: i have an enormous crush on robert downey jr. so when he showed up in a scanner darkly my crush naturally transferred to his animated version. this is classic rdj: although he is a brilliant actor he never seems so comfortable in a role than when he is playing a druggie. his magic - and i think this also holds true in real life - is that he can make even the biggest fuck-up irresistibly charming. although, as you probably know, i'm a longtime member of the keanu fan club, rdj stole the scene here, as he always does.

3. aladdin - all you have to do is scroll down this list of disney princes, and see that the role of mr. charming was historically lacking in hotness. here we see a bunch of middle-aged looking wasps who usually arrive in the last few minutes of the film to sing a song and sweep the damsel away on a horse. well that all changed with aladdin. he's basically a homeless guy with a bangin' bod, a great personality, a hilarious buddy and a cool pet. i love how his scrappy bravura cracks to show a vulnerable side once he assumes his alter-ego of prince ali. let me tell you, chicks dig this type of thing. we were all there swooning with those ladies as he paraded through town on an elephant, knowing that his confidence was concealing a secret shyness.

2. rio pacheco - rio is one of those guys you like even though you know that he's kind of an asshole. he started out as basically a good guy, a volunteer at the foster home and jerrica's boyfriend. however he eventually developed a crush on jem and the show ended on a cliffhanger with rio double-timing two girls who are the same person. this is undoubtedly one of the great unsolved endings in television - this whole sopranos thing pales in comparison! the truth is, rio's bad side is what makes him sexy: the lying, the deceit, the secrecy, and yet he can be a real sweetie when he wants to. i mean, if jerrica really trusted him then wouldn't she tell him her identity? perhaps with a guy like this you need to have your own secrets.

1. trent lane - absolutely the most crushable cartoon fella out there;
even the ever-cynical daria couldn't help but blush a little when trent was around. trent's rockstar slacker attitude was peppered by a hint of zen calmness, his soft raspy voice delivered the type of inane truisms that only truly attractive people can get away with, and his slight slouch suggested a world weariness - a wiseness, dare i say? - that perfectly defines a classic childhood crush: your friend's older brother.

any to add to the list?


Paul Gladis said...

Keanu Fan Club???
We can't be friends any more... It's clearly stated in the bylaws of the membership contract I signed when joining the Farmington High School Chess Club and A Cappella Trio - B Sharp that "I will never, in any way, shape or form, consider Keanu Reeves either a legitimate actor or a tall drink of water; and shall never relate with anyone who does."
Sorry it has to end this way.

P.S. - Fish Taco on the Boardwalk??? Is that some kind of kinky sex reference???

The Bat said...

I had a soft spot in my heart for Disney's poor, animated Hunchback of Notre Dame. I do so enjoy a sad sack. Maybe he wasn't drawn to be attractive, but he was a lot more believable than any of those faceless Disney princes that saved Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella or Snow White.

That World Inverted said...

Hey I see this on 10 Zen Monkeys. How did that work?